Who Am I?

I started this blog with the intention of sorting out the clutter in my head. It was a Feng Shui exercise on myself.

Feng Shui

A long time ago, it seems it was almost in another life now, I was struggling to pay the bills. I had “fallen” out of employment and things were getting tough in the money arena and therefore in the personal arena too. It was in a major downturn in the economy and I had spent 3 or 4 months looking hard for a job but absolutely nothing had come up.

I bought a small book on Feng Shui as I was roaming around a bookstore. I came home and read that if only I would do as it said I would free up the energy in my life and things would improve. I am not a superstitious man, but I was desperate and, frankly, I had nothing better to do than give it a try.

So that day I read my small book, page by page and did all the things it said. I thought that well, it may not work but at least, the house would be cleaner and tidier.

The Outcome

You can put it down to coincidence if you like, but over the next 5 days, my phone rang many times. Everything went crazy.

I went to 4 or 5 interviews and I was offered 3 jobs before the end of the week. My main problem turned out to be how to choose between the different options that had miraculously opened up for me.

The job I chose turned out to be a “goldmine” that paid much more money than I had earned before.

All this in the space of less than a week.

My Dream

A week or two ago I gave you a dream interpretation on what to me was an arbitrary dream from my own dream journal.

At first, I interpreted it with my Wisdom Dream hat on and gave my most obvious dream interpretation. It was ok, but it rather pandered to my laissez-faire and easy going attitude towards life currently. It felt comfortable and, dare I say it, rather clever.

Later on, I interpreted the same dream with my Christian Dream Interpretation hat on. And the tone of the dream suddenly became rather different. No longer was it comfortable and no longer was it easy going. It was rather peremptory.

What Process?

So now I am reeling from that dream. As I said, it was an arbitrarily chosen dream about which I thought it was ok. But now I have a Quest to perform. All this in the space of a few weeks.

That quest is to set off to find out more about who I am through dreams or other means.

I went to Mr Google and asked his advice and he said I should be clearer in my question. Did I mean “What am I”, or “Why am I here” or did I really mean who?

I went to wiki how and it said

  1. Take a personal inventory
  2. Ask people you trust for help
  3. Make time for yourself
  4. etc.

Are yes, I said that is what I am and how others see me, but not about who I am.

I went to another wiki how and it said, it’s a “difficult process” that entails,

  1. Decoding your personality and core values
  2. Discovering your passions
  3. Discovering your skills

Hmmm, that is also about what I have become, but not who I am.

And so my search continued without a process to follow that would get me where I want to go. Anyway, I have been there before and it was all of little value really.

Who Am I?

I don’t know, but I mean to find out.

I do know that it is not the eastern way of gaining enlightenment. For that requires you to quench your desires and crush your ego to the point of annihilation.

So the way I follow must honor the early years of my childhood when rituals and images were installed into my psyche.

I believe I have clues on the terrain I must navigate through. I also believe that rather than talk about it I have to actually go this time.

It’s like a pilgrimage. I had a friend who took the Path of St James to Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain. He took it in his final months of life. I believe it had a great deal of meaning for him.

I too would like to go but I don’t really need to since pilgrimages are all inner journeys. If you think you need to go physically to that place then there lies your first mistake.

Anyway, I can’t go because I have a child to raise and some more life to live.

So I will do my pilgrimage, and I will take up the challenge of my dream. It will be an inner journey to find out more of myself.

I will do my best to record my travels here. That is now the new direction of this blog.

Have a great weekend.

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