M1. I am prompted by a challenge that asks me to give up on material things and things of the mind to venture into the spiritual realm with passion.
Before I answer that challenge, I want to give you some clue on how I got to where I am now.
I can skip most of the formative years of my life and come to the crescendo where Everything in life fell apart. Life had never been easy but it was manageable. But then I lost everything that Maslow describes in his Hierachy of Needs.
I risked survival and was at times on the verge of suicide anyway. I cared little for safety. I damned love and belonging. I waved goodbye to all my friends. I left my country with a suitcase. My reputation was in tatters. I cared nothing for learning and went headlong into alcoholism.
I did find recovery of sorts, over a few years, through self-development. I can say this was my savior, along with a new life.
I thought this was the turning point where I could start to rebuild my life in a new way.
But fate has a way of dashing hopes.
I didn’t know the meaning of re-birth until it happened to me. It didn’t happen over-night but over years.
It all started with the devastating news from the doctors that life had taken me in a different direction. I took the news rather badly and I railed against it for a short while, before going through some of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
Then things went really wrong and a lot more medical treatment that achieved nothing.
A similar process ensued of the Kubler-Ross experience only at a heightened level.
Dream and Dreaming
The first inkling that things would really improve was through my experiences with dream. The experiences, the understanding, the lucidity, the religiosity. All these things had an impact.
The change in me came also from trying to come to terms with my own mortality. This happened both in dreams and in waking life.
Dreams became the measure of how I was doing. They showed me the unsolved pieces of the jigsaw and the mystery of the parts that slowly began to make sense.
One of the simple things was to realize that it didn’t matter what I had done or not done in my life before. The marvelous thing about the past is that you can change it. A simple change of mind is all that is required to create the past differently.
Now I hear objections from you the reader. What do I mean to change the past? It’s already happened. But psychology tells us that our memories are not fixed. That every time we tell a story about the past, we embellish it a little more, and it is the embellished version that we end up remembering. Our memories of the past are fluid.
I used dreams to revise elements of my past to make the present more congenial. But enough of that, it’s just a small example.
Awakening is a slow process as far as I have discovered. It takes a long time to make small progress.
So returning to the challenge I was given at the start of this blog entry. The answer I can give you is that I don’t wish to take up the challenge to venture into the spiritual realm with passion.
It’s too difficult, it takes too long, and frankly, it scares the hell out of me to think about it because I am no ascetic. So I guess it’s not my destiny.
We all follow our destiny, whether by choice or by being dragged there.
I have found that searching for my own way to do things is right for me. I have made huge progress in travelling my route, but it’s my route and not anyone else’s.
I still have a huge distance to go but as life coaches always tell me, I am already successful, because I am still on the route to my own enlightenment. Every day is a new success. Every day is a step forward. Every day is the experience of a new dream and a new twist in my direction that I cannot foresee.
I hope you can follow your own path with as much joy as I do.